Be My Valentine
by Hidden Affection
Summary: CHAP 10 UP! Ryan and Marissa are finally happy, and, Valentine's day is coming up. What can happen with two lovers on this magical day. And, what can come between? Please Review
1. Beach Walk

Ok, this one is one for R/M, as they have never really shared a happy Valentines day lol. We may have a little bit of Summer and Seth, but, yah, mainly Ryan and Marissa. Set in series 2, this is JUST after they got back together, but the Trey thing hasn't happened yet. What do you give someone you have loved for so long? Lots of fluff. Oh, and maybe a bit of smutty sex thing, if your lucky, so beware..

Marissa sighed happily as she walked with Ryan leisurely along the white beach, known as 'Shell's Cove'. Slowly, she leaned her head against Ryan's shoulder. Gee's, Marissa had waited so long for this day, this moment. They had only been together a week and a half, yet were closer than ever before. Smiling to herself, the lanky 17 year old wrapped one arm around Ryan's waist.

"You know, Valentine's Day is coming up?"

She heard Ryan say. Lifting her head, her expression fell. He always thought about these sorts of things at the wrong time. Poking him, hard, in the gut, Marissa tried to put on a stern face. But, as usual, Ryan saw straight through it. Poking her back playfully, she squealed and said,

"Oh, no you don't! Valentine's Day is just an obsessive chick holiday where guys buy roses and Chocolate's and hope for the best. You're not like that…WHE'RE not like that."

Ryan hid a smirk. God, she was gorgeous. They had been swimming all day and all she was wearing was her lime green bikini. Freshman boy's eyed her off, whistling and acting all macho before them. Even better, Marissa took no notice. She gave him an I-only-have-eye's-for-you look, and Ryan was rather grateful for it.

"Ah ah ah, you're not getting out of it. Come on, usually you have to convince me into doing these things…what's changed?"

Marissa's eye's narrowed on her boyfriend, trying to ignore the puppy look he swung her way. Wrapping her tanned arms around his neck suddenly, she pulled him in for a tender kiss. Although they had only known each other for a few years, she felt as though it had been a life-time, a perfect life-time. Slowly she felt herself giving in as he ran his hands along her back, just the way she liked it. Ryan pulled her face to his, rubbing noses gently. Marissa sighed,

"No flowers or chocolate?"

She mumbled, staring squarely into his eye's. Ryan felt like doing a little 'yah yah, I won' victory dance, yet contained himself rather well.

"Fine no flowers. But I can't promise anything with the chocolates, I like them to. Mmmm... Lots and LOTS of calories. Not that you should worry, your just beautiful the way you are"

Ryan said, kissing her back passionately. Marissa felt a blush coming on as their tounge's entwined each others.

Ryan had waited so long to taste her again, after almost a year broken up. Sure, there was Lindsay and Theresa who had kept him comfy, but every night Ryan would lie awake in bed thinking of Marissa. No one had ever made him feel so complete. Sometimes, when she was sleeping, he would watch her. Her soft hair falling over her eye's and the rhythmic breathing. Her rosy cheeks and kind face. To him, she was just so, so amazing. Every so often Ryan pinched himself, just to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"Be prepared, because I think Seth has a whole new holiday planned, and we all know how well Chrismakuh has turned out.."

He said grimly, but couldn't help a slight smile. Seth wouldn't be Seth without all his quirks and jerks, as said by Summer. Finally those two had gotten back together, after 6 months of total pain. Poor Ryan and Marissa (Being their best friends) had to sit around and listen to how much they secretly loved each other. It was only last week that Seth proclaimed his loved for the brunette at prom for the second time. And, by god, it was funny. That was a moment each of them would remember for the rest of their lives.

"Oh my god, Sum will be thrilled. Umm…what's the Jewish version of Valentines Day?"

"Who knows? But, knowing our Seth, he WILL think of something. He want's to buy Summer like, a CD voucher," Ryan laughed, "But I think I convinced him against it if he still wanted a relationship with her"

Marissa broke into hysterical giggles, falling to her knees in the sand. Doubling over with laughter, she could just imagine Summer's face when Seth rocks up with a rose and a Death Cab album. Tears started to fall, as she tried to contain herself. Ryan plonked down beside her, grabbing her lithe body and pulling her on top of him. Quickly, but passionately, he cupped her face in his hands.

"_I love you. I may not say it often, but I do, with all my heart. Don't ever leave me"_

Marissa stopped laughing instantly, and sat in silence. All the emotion she had held inside her soul for the past 12 month's finally poured out. Pushing him back, she kissed him. It wasn't any normal kiss they shared. This one was different, special. It was the best way they could express their love for each other, for it went farther than words. Many looked on from afar, but knew better than to say anything. This was a moment.

"_I love you to. No one can ever make me leave you, no matter what or who stands between us."_

She said huskily, drawing back. Ryan saw even more tears falling down her unblemished cheeks. Using his thumb, he quickly rubbed them away and stood up, holding out his hand for her. Smiling, she took in and was quickly pulled into a silent embrace. Wrapping her arms around his neck, Marissa left a trail of kisses down his cheek. Now, she was just being playful.

"Hmm, my mum is in Tuscany for the weekend with Caleb.."

She mumbled into his ear, before leading Ryan to the car.

"Ahh, I see where you are going with this."

And, with that, they left the beach. Both were looking foreward to a valentines day spent together, as a couple. Nothing could ruin their love now…could it?

Ok, comments please, my first one! I am having a vision of Jess coming in around these few chapter, so stay tuned! Comments More chapters!


	2. The Days Before

Thanks for the reviews, you guys have no idea how encouraging it is 

Ryan and Marissa walked hand in hand down the isles of the mall, content. Valentine's Day was just a few days away, and, neither had gotten the other a present. It was just to hard to pick someone you loved a present that was to explain how much you loved them. For Ryan and Marissa, all this love was not going to fit in ONE, solitary gift. There love was ultimately eternal and needed no explanation. Even when they weren't together, people said how much they belonged together. They both knew it too.

'Summer and Seth are still in the Candy shop, debating if Jaffas or Ding Dongs are better', Marissa said, giggling. Looking at Ryan, she poked him in the ribs. 'Earth to Ryan! Are you with me?'

Jumping with Pain, Ryan was about to complain, but seeing Marissa's beautiful face melted any anger, plus his heart. This happened every time Ryan saw her happy. Some would even go as far as to saying it was his life goal…and he wouldn't disagree. Seeing Marissa happy was what made Ryan happy. May sound simply, but sometimes it was the hardest thing in the world. Poor Marissa had had a fairly hard past few years, mainly with her family, and Ryan had been there through it all. Although her mother despised him and his presence, the two had become good friends and then ventured into a relationship.

'Uh, I was just thinking about how hungry I was! Speaking of it, what do you want for lunch, the usual?'

Ever since the four had become friends, or rather, more than friends, Chilli fries were top on the list. Seth and Ryan liked it, but Marissa and Summer seemed to hog into it, not worrying about either's weight. Not that it mattered, they were both stick thin. Marissa ate as much as she wanted; where as other girls ate low carb dietary foods. This was one of the reasons Lindsay, Ryan's ex, felt ultimately jealous of her. A lot of girls do though, so Ryan took no notice. She was just plain beautiful, and his.

'Yah! I heard of this knew place down the…', Marissa said, but was unable to finish.

Ryan led her round the corner, kissing her passionately. Groaning into his mouth, she wrapped her arms around his neck. Ryan rubbed his hand down her stomach, letting it rest just above her thigh. Slowly, they backed into a wall, continuing their frenzied kissing. These moment were always special, because they both found it the best was to express their feelings. They hadn't planned this, that's for sure. Things just happen.

'I have been waiting all day', he mumbled, running one hand through her hair. Smiling slightly, all Marissa said was a slight groan, before pulling his head to her's. She didn't need to say anything anyway, Ryan knew exactly how it felt. The passion was growing between them, the urge to just jump behind a tree was ever growing.

Suddenly, Seth and Summer burst out round the corner. They had just forgotten their debate about the lollies, kissed and made up, and came to find Ryan and Marissa. Now they wish they hadn't.

'Oh god, eww.', Summer grimaced, turning into Seth's chest.

'Yah man, couldn't you have just waited for the pool house or at least the car!'

Marissa sighed and shook her head. She wasn't embarrassed, and neither was Ryan. This sort of happened all the time, their two best friends walking in on them. They just had to learn to pick the right places. Smiling sweetly at Ryan, she kissed him one last time on the cheek, whispering _later_ in his ear, before bounding off to Summer's side. They began a full on conversation their and then, and neither of the boy's even dared to interrupt. Walking in two separate groups, the girls in front, Seth finally broke the silence with one of his oh so witty comments.

'So, dude, have you chosen the right present for Marissa yet?' He queried, smiling slyly. Sometime's he was just to good to not hit.

'No, have you got one for Summer?' Ryan challenged, punching Seth in the arm.

The relationship between Seth and Ryan was odd, but firm. They had been tight through it all. Ryan was there for Seth when he and Summer had a fight, and Seth was there for Ryan when no one else was. And unbeatable, unbreakable combination. Two brothers, one big world.

'No, no, but I have an idea in my head. How's a bunch of roses? Pretty spiffy, aint' it? Ha, ha? What do you think?' Seth replied, quite proud of himself, 'Genius, aren't I?'

'Yah, you keep thinking that.'

'Better than what you've got. My girl isn't picky like your's. You should get a refund'

After that, the two just got into a petty fight about why or their girlfriend is better, but it meant nothing. In two minute's, they would drop the subject, have lunch, and be friends again.

That is where Summer and Marissa were different. They hardly ever fought, just seemed to enjoy each others company. The admiration they shared for each other was strong, so the girls had been best friends for many years. Since year 5, to be exact. Now they were in almost senior year, and Marissa and Summer loved each other more than ever.

'So, what have you gotten for Ryan?'

'What have you got Seth?'

'Nothing'

'Same'

They laughed at the total simplicity. What do you get a dork guy and a macho-yet-sensitive-quiet guy? But, Marissa had been thinking about it all day. What WOULD she get Ryan? He didn't have any real interest, except for architecture. And, who would want books? Not her, that's for sure. To be truthful, she didn't know what she wanted. She still wasn't too big on Valentine's day anyway, still just a poxy holiday.

After a while, the four joined back up and headed to the diner. It was a comfy looking place, good vibes in great quantity. Sitting on opposite booths, the couples talked like old friends which they were. Ryan slung his arm around Marissa's shoulder, letting her head rest on his shoulder. Seth rested HIS head on Summer's shoulder, though she didn't seem to mind. Role Reversal was ok, till Seth fell asleep that is.

'Did you two decide which candy was better?', Marissa asked, genuinely interested.

'No, we decided that Gobstoppers beat all. I just cant be stuffed letting Cohen cry on my shoulder when he looses', Summer teased. Seth let it go, because he would loose, like Summer said

'Anyway', he said, obviously changing the subject, 'Why don't you guys fight. It's like your in love or something?'

'Seth, shut up' Ryan warned, rubbing his hand on Marissa's thigh.

'What? Your not… oh no…don't tell me. Ryan Atwood is in love! Ryan James Jack Moses Atwood is in love with Marissa Bitchy Nasty Cooper!', He yelled, causing many to look over and snigger.

'Seth, I hate you.', Ryan said dryly, but he knew Seth was right.

Before long there was a whole different subject on the agenda. But none of them could forget the main problem. What to get.

Next chapter is Valentines Day. And, in comes Jess. If you have seen series 2, she is the girl who has the hots for Ryan and his brother Trey, so it shouldn't go down to well. Don't worry, it won't break R/M up lol


	3. Wake up call

Thanks guys! I didn't expect this one to be popular. Oh, Ryan91, I am Australian…it's funny you noticed. Yah, I have lived in Australia all my life, and I love it. Oh, and Elise, the constructive criticism is appreciated, so don't you guys be afraid! Ok, Valentine's Day… I would recommend that kids under the age of 13 should not read this!

_Marissa, wake up. Marissa…Marissa…_

Marissa heard the faint, distant voice. Groaning, she snuggled further down in her blankets, pulling a pillow over her head. A hand was resting on her shoulder, and she quickly shrugged it off.

_Marissa!_

Jumping at the sudden raise in tone in the familiar voice, Marissa sat bolt upright. Her long, light brown hair was tussled; the key to knowing that she had a good sleep. Slowly, she opened one eye, to see Ryan on the end of her bed. Somehow, she knew it was going to be him; she wanted it to be him. Smiling groggily, she looked at the clock. It read 5:30. A look of shock/horror suddenly took over, shaking her head in disbelief. Sure, they woke each other up most mornings, if they didn't spend the night together, but never THIS early.

'Well, you're an early bird. What's the occ…' she started, then realised. Leaping forward out of the feather-filled covers, Marissa wrapped her arms around his neck and planted a kiss on each cheek. 'Happy Valentine's day, Babe!'

'Ah, nice save', Ryan replied, kissing her back. 'And don't worry; I got you up for a reason.'

The two fell back against her still warm bed; Ryan slowly removed his wife beater.

'Good reason', she mumbled tauntingly.

These scenes never seemed to turn into sex of any type, just mere shows of passion and play. Ever since the episode with Luke, Marissa had been putting off sex. Putting it off with everyone, actually. Summer had asked numerous times if her and Ryan had gone that far, yet she failed to let out any info. When she was ready, she would let him know. Giggling, Marissa toyed with his hair.

'So, do you want your present?' she asked, reaching under the bed.

It had taken her many hours the night before, to put this whole she-bang together. It even required a little help from Seth and Summer. Pulling out a neatly wrapped package, tied together with a red ribbon, Marissa nibbled one her bottom lip as she handed it carefully to Ryan. Wrapping one arm around her waist, he took it thankfully.

'This is great, even before I have seen it. See, I told you they made up Valentine's Day for a reason.' Ryan teased, but it didn't really faze her. It was just his personality, just in case he thought the present was gay or something. Smiling faintly, she rested her head on his shoulder and urged him to open it.

Slowly, Ryan undid the ribbon. Presents in their relationship had never been very important, yet appreciated when they appeared. Both found that the best gift was the one without words or a card, or anything for that matter. A kiss, hug or smile was all that was needed to make one another happy. Even so, Valentine's Day was still an occasion, which needed special surprises.

Carefully pulling off the sticky tape, Ryan leet out a little gasp as the paper unfolded, revealing a little scrapbook. On the front, it featured a picture of the couple together, with **_Ryan and Marissa : An everlasting love_**, printed below. A small smile grew and grew as he flicked through the pages full of photos and memories. It amazed Ryan at what she kept. There were movie tickets, receipts, little notes and tokens of trips. The love she felt for him was all wrapped up in this seemingly small pieces of paper stuck together. And, how right it seemed.

'I wasn't sure if you would like it. I know it isn't much…I'm sorry, I should have got a watch or something, a thing you could use', she started rambling, getting herself worked up. 'God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll go down the shop and buy you something else. I knew I would stuff this up..'

Whipping around quickly, Ryan smothered her mouth with his own. Marissa pulled him closer, till then were laying flat on the bed. Ryan positioned himself on top of her so he was not putting any weight on her frail frame.

'No, look, it was a stupid, stupid mistake. It's ok to laugh. Mean, WHO makes a scrapbook? What am I, two?'

He put his index finger to her lips,

'I love it, more than you can imagine..', he said huskily, before moving in to kiss her again. Somehow, their relationship had changed, from a teenager summer fling to a serious, adult like relationship.

Cupping his face in her hands, Marissa entwined her tongue with his. No one could kiss him in such a sweet, luxurious way. Slowly, she pulled her night dress off, then bra. Ryan had seen her naked before, sure, but not for THIS reason. Looking at her curvy, yet slim figure, Ryan felt immediately aroused. But not wanting to rush her, he asked,

'Marissa, are you sure? Don't think that you have to on my benefit'

She smiled, before unbuttoning his pants,

'I'm sure. I know you want this, almost as much as I do. Did you lock the door on your way in?'

Ryan nodded slowly, smiling lovingly. He hadn't been expecting this, it was just a precaution they took every time they were alone together, because family and friends seemed to walk in at all the wrong moments, traumatising them and the victims.

He was careful, treating her like the fragile object she was. They were making love, rather than just having sex.

It had been a long time since she'd put sex on any kind of pedestal; she'd come to think that was simply immature and that sex was a natural part of relationships. Not that it wasn't, but it made everything so different between her and Ryan.

Marissa giggled as Ryan scooted down her body, kissing her abdomen. But quickly she brought his head back up, and the real fun began. It wasn't to long till Ryan had gotten inside her, her back arching with sheer pleasure. The pounding of their hearts together could have woken the sleepiest of giants. They rolled over several times, kissing and caressing all the while.

'Are you sure?', he whispered in her ear one last time, only to feel her grab his buttocks and pull him inside her.

All at once, Ryan and Marissa exploded. He thrusted into her softly, yet full of long awaited love, a whole new kind of love. Soft moans escaped Marissa's mouth, then Ryan's, then in usion as his thrust became faster and faster. Marissa griped at his back, nails digging into his skin. Every now and again, Ryan would bend down and kiss her full on the lips reassuring her, before starting up again what she loved so very much.

They used protection, obviously. After the whole Theresa debacle Ryan was always careful that he carried a condom wherever he went. Not that having a child would be bad, just that wrecking her life would. And, they were both way to young to be thinking about kids or marriage, though he often did. That's right; Ryan wanted Marissa to be called Mrs Ryan Atwood, Mrs Marissa Atwood. It had a ring to it.

Before long, the couple were tired. Ryan lay down beside Marissa, with her head in the crook of his arm. Her long hair fell about her shoulders, her cheeks a rosy shade of pink. Sometime's, Ryan had to pinch himself. How did he, the bronco from Chino get the sweetest and prettiest girl in Newport? Needless to say, Marissa was also amazed at her luck.

'Ryan?' she asked sleepily, snuggling up against his chest.

'What?'

'Do you know how much I love you?'

Ryan chuckled to himself, rubbing his hand up and down her back in rhythmic strokes.

'Way to kill the mood, Einstein! It's not funny!'

Suddenly, Ryan went quiet. Looking at his ravishingly beautiful girlfriend, Ryan lifted her head up to his.

'I was thinking the same thing, Marissa. I love you to'

After that, they made love again... Several more times. It was no longer a new thing; they knew what pleased each other. They no longer had to worry about what one another thought, because for once, they thought as one. Marissa and Ryan had never before been so connected, physically and mentally.

Lying down again, Ryan pulled a blanket over them both, and before long, Marissa had fallen asleep, cuddled close in Ryan's arms. Although it was only 7:00 in the morning, he was so tired. Maybe it was the fact that he hadn't slept all night, for he was thinking of how lucky he was to have such a great life, a great girlfriend. Although he was thankful to Sandy, Kirsten and Seth, Ryan was eternally grateful to Marissa. As one once said, she put the light in his eyes. Ryan was proud to say he was whipped, so was Marissa.

_Ryan…_

Slowly, he awoke from his slumber, to find that Marissa was on top of him. Her nose was inches from his, and a broad smile was cast across her face. Ryan couldn't help but smile as she pecked him on the cheek with an enthusiastic kiss.

'I brought brownies, Lemonade and chicken sandwiches. You hungry?' She said, bringing over a tray with the food and placing it on the bed.

Quickly, Ryan sat up, kissing her temple before digging in,

'Ravishing babe'

Marissa was the best sandwich maker. After all, it was the only thing she could cook beside's 'Mac and Cheese', but each meal was prepared to perfection. She had put just the right amount of butter and mayonnaise, with pepper and salt.

Before long, the pair had gobbled down the whole meal. Marissa was already dresses, wearing a tight wife beater (which she stole from Ryan) and a little mini skirt. She knew it would taunt him. Shaking his head in disbelief, Ryan went to have a shower. She knew him better than he knew himself. From their first date, she teased him about it. "_Can I wear your tank top so I can look as cool as you?" she said, tauntingly, and she knew it rang bells._ Chuckling to himself, Ryan slipped into the shower.

'You know, sometimes your cruel', he called from the hallway

'I know, and you love it!

The hot water ran down his back, causing a shiver to go down his spine. The water was a blast, and very refreshing after the morning he had had. Washing his hair, shaving and putting on fresh clothes (which he had brought, just in case they got into their routine food fight), Ryan realised he loved Marissa's house. Not exactly her family, but hr and her house were ok. All right, more than ok. HE LOVED her AND her house.

'C'mon, it's time for your present' he said, finally walking back into her bedroom. Marissa was sprawled across her bed, reading the latest issue of 'Vogue'.

But that didn't stop her from jumping straight into Ryan's arms and rushing down the stairs. She was so exited she almost pissed her pants.

'Cool, let's go!'

Ok, so I hate this chapter. I was really unsure of how to put it! Put reviews are always welcome! I was finding it hard to make the sex scene good, but not kinky or raunchy lol.


	4. Old magic

Wow! Here I was, thinking my last chapter was crappy! U guys loved it, so yah, love you guys! Because Valentine's Day only lasts all of 24 hours, it's going to be quite long! I update as fast as I can. This will be a shorter chapter though. Read slow lol.

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Marissa was practically bouncing out of her seat belt with anticipation. Although she said it was no big deal, deep down Ryan knew it was. This made him all the more nervous. Her gift to him was so thoughtful and special; he worried desperately about his own. Although it took many hours to think it up, to ask for permission and to find out where to get it, Ryan was afraid. Yup, she REALLY needed a bad present right now, after a break-up, and her dad not calling.

'Ryan, where are we going?' Marissa asked, staring wildly out the window to some possible present holding shops.

'You'll See'

But to her surprise, they went past the main street and to the cheaper part of town, commonly known as the bronks. Some people were shunned to this area, blocked out of all social activities. Many drug addicts, alcoholics and prostitutes occupied the small, untidy shacks. Curiously, she looked over at Ryan, who was avoiding her stare. Smiling, she took his warm hand in her own. Yup, he was angry, and it was in her girfriendish duties to cheer him up.

'I love this part of town', she said brightly

No answer

'It's nice and roomy'

Still no answer

'When we get married in 20 years, lets live here'

Ryan couldn't help but laugh. Shaking his head, he used his free hand to ruffle her hair (the one he was holding her hand with, not the one on the wheel).

But in a way, Ryan had always thought about marrying Marissa. The thought of it with Theresa or Lindsay, or Gabrielle (who he had long ago forgotten) was enough to give him a heart attack. However, with Marissa, it seemed natural. One day, they would get married and have little Ryan/Marissa babies and live in a big house. Ryan was a dreamer.

Giggling in return, Marissa poked him playfully in the ribs.

'I can always bring you back up again'

He was quiet then, trying to put his thoughts into words. As Seth would say '_You can see words percolating, forming'_. That was when Ryan saw Marissa with Luke, then tore a ligament in Luke's ankle out of anger. Back then, Ryan was more protective than he was now. But he still didn't like people picking on her, and most people knew that.

'And bring me back. Back from the dead. Back from Chino. Back from other girls. I dunno why, babe, but I'll always be here' Ryan finally said, smiling warmly at his girlfriend.

He hoped that sounded ok, not too corny. Marissa was touched though, amazed at his openness. It was usually her who said the deep and meaningful stuff, suppose it was time for role reversal. Even so gently, she leant over and kissing him on the cheek.

'I know. Maybe not always, but you have never NOT been with me. Sure, there was that time in Chino, but I missed you the whole time. I swear, I was ready to jump in a car, chuck you in my trunk and take you home. When you came back, I was devastated we weren't together, and I wanted you to be with me every day…I loved you so much, still do. You're my world', her voice faded into a whisper as it reached the end, emotional tears forming in her eye's.

'I love you to', Ryan replied, looking back on the last few months.

He had tried normal stuff, good girls, but there was only one person for him. H had known that from the first time he saw her one the Cohen's driveway. When she rode on the back off his bike. When he found her passed out on the footpath. Life hadn't been easy, but worth it. It was hard enough to leave her at the end of the road for the second time…he wasn't going to do it ever again.

Before Marissa could even think of replying, Ryan turned down a very long, overgrown driveway. She was really starting to question his motives as they slowly drew up to an ancient looking mansion. All the window shutters were peeling and falling off the walls. Scrunching up her button like nose at the old place, she could just imagine gravestones lining the porch.

'C'mon', Ryan said quietly, hopping out of the car and walking around her side 'Look, it's what's on the inside that count'

'Hey, I didn't say anything', she said defensively

'You didn't have to'

Walking up to the door hand in hand, Ryan knocked loudly on the heavy oak door. Windows surrounding it rattled in their positions, fogged up with dust. Marissa's mother would be disgusted in Ryan for even showing the property to her, let alone taking her down the driveway! Chuckling to herself, Marissa jumped back when the door finally opened.

'ye' Ryan?' A tall, gruff figure asked. He may have been close to seven foot. Marissa gripped closer to Ryan's arm, shuffling closer.

'Yah, can we see them?'

Marissa followed Ryan down the dark, misty hallway. Or, rather smoked hallway. The tall man obviously smoked like a chimney. She tried to smother a cough with her hand, resulting in a tiny squeak. Blushing, she tried to ignore Ryan's little smirk.

_Them?_ What did Ryan mean by that? Marissa wasn't getting jewellery, as predicted by Summer. Not chocolates, flowers or candy, or her boyfriend had a sick sense of humour, taking her here. Yet, Marissa couldn't b angry at him, for there was a bigger problem at hand. The guy in front of them!

Coming to a halt at a door, the man turned around.

'In there', he pointed one finger towards the door. 'Show your self's out after'

And then, they were left alone, before a door which held her present behind. Little shuffles could be heard beyond, like boxes and balls being moved. Curious, Marissa loosened her grip eventually, but still made sure Ryan had his arm around her waist.

'Ok', he started, 'This, in here, is your present. Pick one'

Leaning foreword, Ryan griped the brass knob, turning it slowly. Marissa hung back slightly, and waited for him to open it fully.

'C'mon, it's not as bad as you think', Ryan said, pulling her gently ahead by the elbow and guiding her through the door.

On the wooden floor, played 12 Beagle puppies. Each was brown, black and white, with short little tails. The mother was in the corner, asleep, leaving all her pups to play together. Marissa squealed with delight, smile spreading quickly across her face.

Who would have expected it? Though it wasn't what she had wanted, Marissa loved each and every one of them. Swiftly, she reached back and pulled Ryan down beside her, kissing him fully on the lips.

'Oh my god. Oh my god! Thankyou! This is so cool' Marissa exclaimed, wrapping her arms around his neck. Taken aback, Ryan chuckled,

'Wow, I didn't think you would like them that much!', he said, genuinely surprised, 'Well, aren't you going to pick one?'

She was silent for a moment. Oh yah, she forgot. But HOW was she to pick between them. They were all bouncy and playful, happy and full of life. Each had a nibble, lick and bite. They even LOOKED the same. What wasn't to like about any of them? Maybe if she looked hard enough..

And their she was. With a fluffy coat, big brown eyes, set in two black rings, she was beautiful. Though smaller than the others, she was the leader. The couple watched as she pumped about all the others, yapping playfully. She was the one. Marissa walked over, scooping the little bundle in one hand, she brought it up to her nose

'Hello little one', Marissa cooed, rubbing the pup gently behind the ears, 'Would you like to come home with me? I promise Ryan doesn't smell, though I'm not sure about Seth. Sum'll love you! What do you say?'

Ryan sat back and watched in awe. If Marissa had a connection with anything, it was animals. They always brought a grin to her face, light in her eye's. Sighing happily, he stood and walked up behind her, wrapping his strong arms around her waist.

'So, this the one?'

'Yup', she said quietly, 'I just hate leaving all these other puppies with that man. He's scary.'

'Yah, I know, but we cant save them all'

'True.'

And with that, they walked out of the house, into the car and drove down the driveway. Marissa named the bitch Maddy, she told Ryan. It wasn't surprising, she had always loved that name. She had planned to call her daughter that…

Maddy had just fallen asleep in Marissa's lap when the phone rang. Ryan fumbled around for a bit, before flipping it open. A series of 'yeps' and 'nups' where spoken before Ryan finally hung up. He wasn't much of a talked, on or off the phone. Only to his family and friends.

'That was Seth', he whispered, 'He and Summer are going to the Bait Shop. Do you want to go?

'Uhhhhh, yah, lets just drop off Maddy first. There is no WAY I am going to expose her to alcohol and loud music at her age'

Ryan smiled, looking over. But, Marissa wasn't joking. _Wow, she treats her like her kid_, Ryan mused, turning towards home. It want long before they had gotten changed, put Maddy to bed and headed to the towns most popular club. But trouble was building by the second.

Jess was there. And Jess was drunk. Who is she, you may ask? Well, you'll find out

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Ok, I'm tired, bedtime!


	5. The Rise and Fall of Jess

This is where Jess comes in. Be prepared, it's a little graphical. Also, Ryan and Marissa talk about their relationship, from the beginning. This fic won't stop at Valentine's Day!

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The Bait Shop was down by the foreshore, and attracted every crowd. Not many had never heard of the club, other than bookworms and science geeks. Anyone who was anyone hung out at the Bait shop, including Ryan, Marissa, Seth and Summer.

Speaking of them, the foursome was sitting at a table in a corner, further away from the psyched up crowd. Most of them were drunk, high or had mental issues. Some they knew, some were the type that only came out at night to drink and party hard. Marissa remembered herself like that, but so did Ryan and Summer. Seth, on the other hand, preferred to play ninja's or Star Wars, bless him.

'People are going pretty hard tonight', Seth commented, 'Last time I did that, I confused falling into garbage with being stelth. Lat time Summer did it she kissed me by the pool; Marissa got drunk with Lindsay and Ryan…Ryan HASN'T gotten drunk. Wow, dude, how have you managed that? Being sober for Ryan is like being funny…didn't your mum teach you not to drink alone?'

They all laughed, though the mention of Lindsay's name dulled Marissa mood a little, and Ryan saw it. No matter how much they tried to hide things from each other, it never worked.

Ryan knew he had hurt her that night, after he lashed out. It wasn't her fault, Lindsay just simply drunk and drunk. _'I know, it seems like a million years ago we dated, but it wasn't. And okay, maybe you're over it. Maybe it doesn't mean anything to you anymore. Maybe it never did. But it meant a lot to me. You meant a lot to me. Still do.'_ Those words had struck him so hard, all the air was sucked out of his lungs. Maybe it was right then, that he realised he still loved her. Maybe, he had always known it.

Pulling her closer, Ryan kissed her gently on the cheek.

'It's ok, I'm here now'.

Though it was simple, Marissa found it comforting. Snuggling into his shoulder, she felt more reassured than a few moments ago. She couldn't help but worry though. There were so many other…normal girls out there, one's with a straighter mind than her own. And, chances are, there were other girls who were much prettier, even if Ryan said she was beautiful.

'So, you haven't told me what Seth got you?', Marissa said, obviously changing the subject.

'Actually', Summer said matter-of-factly after she noticed Ryan's amused expression. 'It was really thoughtful. He got me a subscription to Vogue, and a gold necklace with a heart, and our names engraved inside'

Summer smiled at Seth, who smiled back in return. Ryan had never been able to figure out there relationship. They were always fighting, yet seemed so totally in love. Seth was always trying to impress her, and was a nervous wreck when it came to other girls. Summer, on the other hand, had nothing to worry about. Seth loved nobody else, as she felt the same way, though he didn't believe her.

'Only the best for my girl', Seth responded lovingly, pulling Summer up on his lap and kissed her on the cheek.

'Now, look at this happy little bunch'

The group looked behind, only to see Jess saunter up to the table and bump in beside Ryan. The platinum blonde was barely wearing anything, and was totally wiped. She was pungent with alcohol, as it wafted over the group.

'Bugger off, Jess', Ryan mumbled, but couldn't help a laugh when he saw Marissa scrunch her nose up in disgust.

The two girls had never gotten along well. Jess had always been associated with drugs, where as Marissa had despised the substances ever since the first health class. When Ryan had first come to town, Jess had her eyes on him, when Marissa came into the picture. Actually, a lot of girls did, but never persisted like Jess had. And, she still wanted him for herself.

'Why?' she said loudly, 'Aint I good enough for yah?'

'Well…I don't think he wants to date druggies', Marissa piped in, glaring coldly into the drunk, high girls distant eyes.

'I don't think you can talk, whore. YOU'RE the one who overdosed in T.J, not me!'

At the mention of that night, all the blood drained from Marissa's face. The same deep, sickening pain came flooding back. Clinging tightly to Ryan's arm, she struggled to stand. Ryan was surprised. She never broke down like this. Ever. Not since he left for Chino. But, even then she hid it well. Maybe it was because they never brought up the whole T.J subject.

'Hey babe, are you ok. You know she didn't mean it? It's ok', he said soothingly, holding her waist close to his side. She rested her head on his shoulder, body shaking slightly

'Yes I did! Marissa is a druggie, a skank and a whore! First she slings around with Luke, goes with Ryan and then the yard boy! Come on Ryan, wake up! I'm better!'

It all happened in a flash. Ryan hardly saw it. Anger coursed through Marissa's veins as she reached out and slapped Jess fair across the face, forcing her to the ground in sobs. The music stopped and the crowd looked over. Marissa stood above her sobbing victim; the realisation of what she had just done hitting her. She, Marissa Cooper, had just hit another girl. Even better, it was Jessica. A look of triumph quickly turned to a look of terror when Jess stood up and punched her in the jaw, then kicked her repetitively when Marissa toppled to the ground. It felt like hours before Ryan was able to pull Jess off, though he did it quite easily, and pull her to her feet.

A shadow was cast over them all. And, just when they thought that the trouble had ended, a new problem arose. A tall, dark man pulled Marissa by the arm. She squealed out in pain, slamming into his chest. The same smell on Jess, alcohol, was also on this man. It was on most people at this joint, actually. She breathed heavily, in more shock than pain. Distressed, she tried to struggle over to Ryan, who was also being held back by another man twice his size and weight. No bouncers were around, most of the time they acted like they were customers rather than employees.

'You gonna' hurt my girl now, are yah pretty lady? Yah gonna pay for it'

Ryan struck out with one leg, and managed to loosen the man's grip on his elbows. People were amazed at what he could do when the love of his life was in trouble; it sent him into drastic defence for her.

It wasn't exactly surprising that Seth stood back. He wasn't much use, and he knew it. He would only get in the way. Instead, he fended off weaker guys from whisking away Summer in the heat of the moment.

Ryan rushed over to Marissa once he was free. She was whimpering in pain, pulling and fighting at every possible moment. How had one night gotten so bad? This was supposed to be fun. All the happy, exiting memories of that day melted away with the jabbing of fingers in her sides.

Ryan swung a fist to the man's face, almost shattering his hand in the process. The man, bewildered and shocked, stepped back a bit. His big, sweaty palms let loose of Marissa, finally, and she ran to Ryan's arms. He enfolded her inside him, kissing her tenderly on her damp cheek. There was no time to share any parting words before he was ripped away and slapped up against a pillar. From then, many guys took turns in beating his face in repetitively, or till blood spilled over their hands. Ryan groaned, yelped and quite often lost consciousness. Marissa, on the other hand, was screaming for them to stop, or let off. Tears plummeted down her face, streaming down her cheeks and neck. Jess was gone, and now they were hitting Ryan for the fun of it.

Eventually, they got tired and stopped, allowing Ryan to fall to the ground. He had passed out long ago. Blood smothered his face, and he was barely recognisable. Marissa ran over, falling to his side.

'Oh my god. Ryan?', She questioned desperately, 'Ryan, are you with me? Come on...It's me, Marissa!'

At the mere mention of her name, he stirred. And, before long, he open his eye's to find his head being cradled in Marissa's lap, with her hunched over sobbing. He was no longer in the club, no longer being pounded by an unknown pair. He was in the pool house, alone with his girlfriend. All was silent, except Marissa's rhythmic sobs.

'Hey', he said, groggily

Immediately, her head snapped back up. She wiped one hand across her face, and managed a small smile, though, he could see inside her soul, and it was torn.

'Hey. How are you feeling?', she asked, leaning in for a quick kiss.

But to her surprise, he pulled her lips in closer and engulfed her mouth with his own, entwining tongues. She emitted a soft groan, before they broke away.

'I love you, Marissa. And, if I hurt you tonight, I didn't mean to', he said softly, slowly sitting up.

'I love you too...more than you can imagine. Though, I think we need to talk about some things, about what's happened. About our relationship, from the beginning.' she said tentivley, running her finger gently across his chest.

'Does it hurt?'

'Yes, but not when you touch it', he sighed, lying back down.

Marissa laughed, lying down beside him. He always knew how to lighten the mood.

'We should start now.'

Ryan was silent, thinking about what had happened over the past few years. So much had gone on it was hard to imagine life back then, and how easier it seemed. There were good times, and the bad. But one moment reigned over all.

'I suppose, that's the night on the driveway'


	6. I love you

Sorry this has taken longer than usual, I've had a lot of schoolwork. But here it is. Enjoy

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"I'll never forget it," Ryan said quietly, his mind already far off even as he held Marissa in his arms. He went back to that night, back to that moment that would turn out to be one of the most pivotal in his life. "I still remember exactly how I felt as I walked down that driveway, my mind going crazy but I was trying not to show it…and then I looked up and saw you. It was like everything else just disappeared."

Marissa felt the blood rushing to her cheeks. Every time he complimented her, it sends a happy shiver down her spine. As if, it only meant something coming from him. Smiling warmly, she huddled closer into his chest. If this has the last day of her life, this was where she would want to be. Like always. Seth, being his whacked out self, accused them of being 'whipped' all the time. And, they never denied it. They were 'whipped', and proud of it.

'I've thought about it many time's since then', Marissa replied eventually, 'You fascinated me from the start. I was so used to prissy boys with rich parents. And, then you came along. Those boys are good looking, sure, but you had... I dunno, you _had_ it.' It was somewhat awkward to say this openly, but she was the one pushing for honesty. 'You looked sad…my eyes were finally opened.'

Ryan pulled her closer, running a few fingers through her hair.

'That was', she giggled, 'until you opened your mouth!'

He groaned, rolling onto his back. Marissa threw her head back and laughed. He eyed her mock angrily, poking her gently in the ribs.

'I can't believe I said that!'

'Yah, I was about ready to smack you with my purse!'

Giggling harder, she planted a kiss on his forehead.

'Well,' Ryan said, 'I was scared'

'What?' she said in disbelief, 'Am I that scary?'

_You have no idea_, he thought to himself. That night, he, a boy of the bronks had no one. When he went for a walk, he expected to be alone, only to find the most beautiful, exquisite girl standing there, all innocent. What was a guy to say but something stupid?

'But then Luke had to turn up', Ryan said, obviously changing the subject, but she didnt protest.

'I swear, when he turned up, I didnt want to get in that car. I wanted to stay with you, and talk. You were...amazing'

Caught in the mood, Ryan leant foreward and carefully kissed her on the lips. Leaning into him, she smiled against his soft skin. She always enjoyed these moments. Until, that is, Seth walked in, or Kirsten, or Sandy, or Summer. When sh ethought about it, Marissa realised she hardly got her own time with Ryan.

Pulling away, she regretfully pushed him back.

'c'mon, we are supposed to be talking'

'Okay,', Ryan relplied, dissapointed, 'What came next'

Marissa thought for a minute, biting her lip in concerntration. Ven though his was irritated, it still brought a smile to Ryan's face. She looked unbelievably cute whenever she tried to look serious.

'Oh, I remember', she finally said, 'the fashion parade'

Ryan new two things when she walked on that catwalk. One, she was drunk, and two, he wanted to get to know her. Though, Luke hated it. At that very moment, the two young guys were on. Most probably, Luke realised that this new guy could take away his girlfriend. Yet, the relationship was well over.

'You were...amazing. I knew then, that I wanted you. Luke knew it too'

'Hmm, wish I wasn't drunk though'

Ryan was suprised she even brought that up. Usually, she avoided anything to do with alchohol. Ever since he left after Theresa got pregnant. He admired her strength.

'You wern't, SUMMER was drunk. But, anyway, it didnt matter, I loved you from the start. Summer was swaying, dammnit.', Ryan laughed at the memory.

And, as if on cue, Seth and Summer burst in. Lucky that they wernt doing anything though, because Seth would have paid the couple out for weeks.

'Ok, no sex! Gee's, what have we told you?', Seth teased, 'But seriously, Sum and I are heading to the Crab Shack. You's wanna come?'

Marissa and Ryan looked at each other. They needed a break anyway. You could only talk so much. Smiling at one another, they bounded up and out the door, hand in hand.

'Lets Go!'

'Oh my god, if I eat anymore carbs I think I am gonna chuck', Summer groaned, flopping down on the wide, white shore.

Shells lined the edge, in numerous heu's and sizes. Out of all the Newport beaches, this one was their favourite. The water was always aqua, the sky always clear. And, a nice big Lifeguard Shack was further up. This was the same beach that Ryan punched Luke. That night was forever glued in Ryan's mind. The pulsing anger he felt towards the water polo player, and vice versa.

'Yah, I know how you feel!' Marissa agreed, pulling off her top to reveal a pale green bikini. Then her skirt, and obviously the bottoms matched the tops. The colour complimented her exotically tanned skin, as well as her bluey-green eyes.

Ryan's breath was caught in his throat. And, as usual, Marissa noticed straight away. Smiling flirtingly at her boyfriend, she plopped down into his lap. His lips caressed his, her hand slipping his top over his blonde head.

'Coming in?' she taunted, before bounding down to the water with Summer

'Oh, yeah', he mumbled in reply, though no one heard. Standing up, Ryan walked slowly down with Seth at his side, watching in amusement as Summer and Marissa played around together. Summer squealed as Marissa pulled her down, and the two giggled happily. Boys seemed to gather around the shore, watching the two tragically beautiful girls play in the sun. Seth looked uneasy.

'Um, that freshman is looking a tad bit to interested in Summer, I better go teach him a lesson'

Ryan laughed, 'Yes, you go do that'

But, it didn't take long for Seth to abandon the idea and retreat to Summer's side, grabbing her round the waist and pulling her in for a kiss. Summer didn't protest, and seemingly left her best friend standing there. Looking at Marissa, he stretched out his arms, welcoming her into his embrace. She nuzzled her head into his shoulder, enjoying the quiet time. Everyone was blocked out around them, for, at this time, it was only them.

But soon, the time had come and passed and they were all out in knee deep water, splashing about like 13 year olds. Seth, in his geeky ways, was wearing big black sunnies that made everyone stare, but the three had learned to put up with it.

Yet, when it came to Ryan and Marissa, they always looked good together. Marissa loved her fashion, and, well, looked good in rags. Ryan, too, could wear what he liked and got dreamy looks from girls. Put them together, and it was an unbeatable combination.

'Did I ever tell you, that girls always stare at you? I'm a little worried, Atwood', Marissa teased, whispering in his ear.

'You have nothing to worry about', he retorted softly, 'But you get your own fair share of glances, there are so many freshman's around you I think I am going to need to invest in a cow prodder'

Marissa broke out laughing, tossing her salt hair back. Ryan shook his head in disbelief. She was the only one who found him remotely funny, and he was the only one who found her funny. They just had a connection.

Running his hand up and down the small of her back, Ryan was fighting the urge to press further. And, so was she. Slowly, Marissa placed one hand under his chin and kissed deeply, floating out further to sea. Soon they were just able to stand, only their heads out of the water. Hands wandered into now known places, but they didn't dare go further. They both knew better than that.

'Ryan', Marissa said, scared. 'I don't like sharks'

'It's ok', he soothed, pulling her closer to his own body. The warmth travelled through the water, and as if up to the shore. It seemed to make Seth turned 'round, and to see how far out they really were.

'Holy crap', he said to Summer, pointing out to the seemingly dots in the distant, 'They're out far!'

She concentrated, putting one hand above to shield her deep brown eyes. They, he face went pale. This only happened every now and again, but when it did it always sent a shiver up his spine. Concerned, he followed her gaze.

'Seth, a boat is coming! Shit, help them!' She screamed once it all came back to reality. She pushed her arms in the air, waving about frantically and shouting. But, it was too late as the boat slammed into the couple.


	7. Broken

_**Screaming. High pitched screaming. Terrified, distraught, painful screaming. Marissa's Scream.**_

Ryan woke with a start, swimming in sweat. Sitting bot upright, he looked scared and dishevelled. His eyes, wide with shock, darted around the room. No familiar faces sat by his bedside, no friendly smiles. No one even realised he was awake. Ryan was alone.

The lights above his seemingly useless bed were too bright; as he had to strain his eye's to see the machine's that lined either side of the room. They beeped rhythmically, showing various colours which meant different things. But it made no sense to Ryan, nothing made sense. He could see no further than the pale curtains before him.

'Ryan!' Kirsten said, coming into his little part of 'paradise'. Rushing over, she gently hugged him, making sure she caused no pain. He had to admit, it was good to see a friendly face, but not the one he wanted to see.

'Where's Marissa?' the teen asked bluntly, staring into space. He couldn't really remember what happened, other that he wanted his girlfriend. All that he wanted was to hold her, caress her. He wanted to tell her it was all alright, though it clearly wasn't at the time.

Kirsten's face fell. She hated to break bad news, Especially to Ryan. The love they shared was deeper than a high-school romance, deeper than marriage. Ever since their eyes met, a connection had been formed. Ryan lived off it, Marissa was his everything. She didn't know what to say. Luckily, Sandy walked in.

'Hey man!' He said, trying to sound bright. But, bangs hung under his eyes and lines of exhaustion covered his face. 'Glad to finally see you awake!'

Ryan wasn't in the mood. And, Sandy knew it. He slung his frail legs over the bed and attempted to stand. It had been about a day since 'the accident', so he had had enough time to stiffen, bruise and weaken. Never the less, his legs eventually agreed to support his weight. He had always been known for his strength, but when it came to those he cared about, Ryan turned to jelly.

Dried blood was matted into the hairs of his arms, with wounds underneath. He had stopped bleeding a while ago, but the pain still sook. But, everyone failed to notice the ever growing bruise on his muscled stomach, even the nurses. It was now crossing his chest, seeping into the soft skin like an unwanted itch.

'Either', Ryan started, angry, 'You tell me where she is or I go and find her myself'

Sandy and Kirsten were about to reply, but were cut off. Screaming. Terrified, painful, distraught screaming, like the one in his dream. And, also like the one in his dream, it was Marissa. The sound pierced Ryan's ears, causing him to double over in his own pain. Nothing hurt him more than to hear his beautiful girl in pain, nothing.

As soon as he recovered, Ryan took off down the hall, ripping the drips out of his arms. It was no use trying to stop the determined young man; all it would result in would be a fist in the face. It was always a fist in the face when it came to Marissa.

The hallway flors were slippery, either freshly polished or wet. Nurses swarmed around Ryan, trying to stop the blood rushing from his arms. A sharp, stinging pain was throbbing in his gut, yet he failed to notice. His eyes were fixed on a room at the end of the long path, where the screaming was coming from.

Bursting through the big door, Ryan was shocked at what he saw. His usually bubbly, happy girlfriend was now crying, depressed and in impossible amounts of pain. Due to her psychological state, they had to sedate the poor girl and strap her to the bed. But that hadn't stopped the sobbing, it hadn't numbed the pain. Marissa's bright eye's were dull and teary.

Never before, had Ryan been so unimaginably torn. He wanted so bad to take away all her pain, to make her ok. But, he couldn't. He couldn't help the one person in the world he loved unconditionally. That was what hurt the most.

Once he came to grips with Marissa's state, Ryan rushed to her side.

'Hey, hey. Its ok babe, I'm here. It's me, Ryan. C'mon sweetie, its ok…' he soothed, rubbing one finger across her forehead. Tears streamed from his bloodshot blue eye's, down and along his severely bruised neck.

They weren't exactly a sight for sore eyes. Under Ryan's thin hospital gown, were rows and rows of swollen stitches. Pus was building up below, due to infection that Ryan failed to notice and the doctors hadn't checked. Most would find it extremely painful, whereas Ryan was more concerned with Marissa. What happened to them? What was wrong with her?

Despite her poor state, Marissa still noticed her boyfriend. Her sobbing stopped, hazel eye's looking up at him. All of a sudden, life didn't seem so painful, everything came into proportion. Yet, the pain was still there, throbbing in every crevice and space within her body.

'Ryan?' she questioned quietly, throat dry.

His heart soared at the mention of his name coming from her bloody lips. Smiling wearily, he kissed her forehead gently. Who knows what would have happened if she didn't recognise him.

'Yes, it's me.', he encouraged.

Within a second, doctors burst into the room. One, who wore a name badge with _Dr Patrick_ in blue writing, rushed over and griped Ryan's sore arm. He yelped in pain, yanking it out of the mans arms.

'Ryan, what are you doing out of your bed?', the Dr Patrick demanded, 'You have just come out of surgery. Plus, Ms Cooper needs isolation, she isn't in good shape. Lets take you back to your bed'

'No!' he yelled furiously, 'I want to stay with Marissa! She's my girl and she needs me!'

He looked over, to see tears spilling once again down her face. Ryan hated to see her cry and, when she did, he had to be there. He had to be the one to dry her tears.

'I'm sorry, Mr Atwood, but you can't. Ms Cooper is going into surgery right now, and she needs to be put to sleep for the operation. You are going to have to leave.'

He didn't even have a chance to reply when two larger men and a nurse carted him back to his bed. Screaming, he tried desperately to get back to Marissa's side, straining his body against their strong arms. Looking back, he could see her helpless body become limp as they pumped chemicals in her veins.

Eventually the people were able to drag Ryan back into his bed, then strap him down. It wasn't safe anymore to let him have free will. It saddened Sandy and Kirsten to see their beloved son in this state, to see him forced into submission. Sitting beside his subdued body, she tried to calm him.

'Ryan, she is in good hands…'

'I don't care; I want to be with her. I love her, she needs me.'

'Look, sweetie, you have had a very long few days. The accident has had a big toll on everyone, but mostly Marissa. We need to be strong, for her..', she said quietly, holding his hand in her own.

'What accident?' he replied blankly, staring straight ahead.

'You don't remember?'

_Oh God, _she thought, _please don't make me the one to tell him._ Looking around, Kirsten knew no one was approaching. Perching her small frame on the edge of she bed, she looked square into his blue eyes with her own, aqua like eyes.

'Yesterday, you and Marissa were down the beach. A large boat came towards you, and neither you two nor the driver saw each other. Before anything could be done, it slammed into you and Marissa, though she got most of the force. Seth and Summer got you out and to the hospital, but Marissa has lost the feeling in her lower legs. Her left arm is broken and so is her nose. She had internal bleeding to the liver as well.

You have broken all your ribs, if you haven't noticed, and you may have internal bleeding. You also got the propellers on your stomach, but not much.'

Ryan was speechless. None of this he remembered. He felt no pain at all, not anywhere. It took a while to sink in, for Ryan to realise what was really wrong with his girl.

_She may never walk again. She may never be able to dance, to run, to jump again. Oh, how much she loves to move. Now, it may all be lost…Why did I take her out so far? Why couldn't we have stayed in the shallow area where it was safe? Seth and Summer were fine, Seth didn't pressure her. And, now she may never be able to move freely again. It's my entire fault. I ruined my beautiful girl's life, her dreams, her future…_

Ryan broke down. Shoulders hunched over, he leant into Kirsten. Tears flooded from his big, 'soulful' and Marissa liked to call them, eyes. He had never felt so much internal pain in his life. And, no one could ease it. Kirsten rubbed his back, yet it didn't help. His body shook uncontrollably, heart wrenching within his usually strong chest.

This time, Ryan was broken.


	8. Falling Tears never fail

I'm glad you guys liked that last chapter, because I wasn't sure. I had no idea how to explain in words how much he cared for her, guilt, and total confusion…scary stuff, aye.

**ImInsideLookingOut: **Wow, thankyou so much. That is the best review I have had! I thought they were getting worse as I went along, but I guess not. You're really appreciated!

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Ryan couldn't sleep. The loud, bleeping machine was put by his ear, and, despite the sleeping tablets he took earlier, they didn't help. He just couldn't stop thinking about Marissa, lying limp on the operating table like something dead ready to be examined. He could see knifes cutting into her soft skin and ripping it apart. Needles jabbing into her arm, pumping seemingly toxic chemicals into her blood stream. The whole situation seemed petrifying and pointless.

Rolling over, he stared out of the window at the dark sky above. Clouds floated by, oblivious to the raging storm in his head. Ducks in the dozens glided along side each other in numerous formations, white wings stretched out like flags. For a moment, the birds hovered in mid air, then gracefully landing in a small pond nearby. It was amazing how simple their lives were. Eat for most the year, breed, fly south for the winter, then return for spring. The process never changed, constant and dependable.

Sighing, Ryan turned his back once again, pulling the blanket over his throbbing head. The last fix-up of pain relief had long worn off, and Ryan was really starting to feel it. It's just, something had to be real. He had to feel something other than numbness, see something other than nothing. Yet he still felt alone, no matter how many people shielded him.

'Ryan, you awake?' he heard the familiar, cautious voice come from the doorway. Forcing a smile, he nodded and pulled down the scratchy blankets.

There was Seth and Summer, looking very tired, standing a foot or so away from his bed. Summer was tucked gently under Seth's arm, like always. Since the two had got back together, they had been inseparable.

'Hey', Ryan replied eventually

As if she had a cow prodder jabbed up her bum, Summer leaped forward to strangle Ryan in a hug. Though it hurt, it was worth it if SUMMER hugged him. Moments like these came few and far between, to he cherished them. Putting on a fake smile, he rubbed the top of her head affectionately

'Hey Summer'

'Oh Ryan, I was SOOOO freaking worried!' she exclaimed, perching on the edge of the bed like a Parrot.

'Yah man, me too. You gave us all quite a scare', Seth added, watching his best friend carefully.

Through their friendship, they had always had each others back, and Seth had stuffed up. Ryan was always their for him, but he was too obsessed with Summer to even notice. It was his fault, in Seth's eyes. But only in Seth's, for Summer blamed herself. It was the same situation with her and 'Coop', as she called her, and felt as if she had let the lanky yet beautiful girl down.

'It's not me you should be worried about'

Ryan didn't have to go any further; they all knew what he meant. It was like a big black cloud hanging over their heads, threatening to break into rain at any moment. Everyone was on the edges of their seats, waiting to hear news from the Operating Theatre. Ryan, as everyone knew, had taken it the hardest.

Ryan blamed himself. If only's were constantly going through his mind. Memories were slowly piecing together and ravaging his brain like a deadly disease. Flashbacks played over and over, repeatedly waking Ryan from his sleep. That was what he was afraid of…

It was always him who brought a tear to her eye, him who caused all the pain. Many times he had walked into her room to see her sobbing into a fluffy pillow. When he had left her for Theresa, Went off with Lindsay, Yelled at her ect, the list was endless. Now, the pain was more than emotional. Now, he had blown it big time. He may have killed her.

There was a long silence, before tears ran down Ryan's face. It was the first time he had cried in front of anyone, let alone Seth and Summer. Covering his eyes with one swollen hand, Ryan tried to hide it all away. He was usually so good at it, but not today. Pretty soon, he was leaning into his friends for support, each giving each other worried glances.

After he managed to compose himself, he looked up upon the duo. It was a weird moment, as if caught in space. Neither said anything, just merely smiled comfortingly at the clearly distressed Ryan. Not that any words needed to be said, they had some sort of connection. It was quite odd, because Ryan and Summer hand t always gotten along, just mainly when times got hard or rough. When they did come along, the emotions they really felt came out.

'It's ok', she whispered, sitting down and hugging him close, 'I understand. I know it's no comparison, but Coop is my best friend. We both love her endlessly; we all do, but you, most of all. You two care for each other so much it hurts.' she paused, 'You have to understand, she needs you more than life itself. Don't give up; it's not your fault. The guy who was driving the boat was stoned, it wasn't you being careless. It's ok, she'll make it through, and she always does. Marissa is a rock, a soldier. But, she will need you to help her; you can help each other...'

It was encouraging to hear Summer's words. Well, enough to brighten Ryan's mood anyway. He was just going to reply when Sandy burst in.

'Sorry to break this up', he said frantically, 'But the doctor is coming to talk to us about Marissa'

The three jumped up, but Ryan more slowly. He was so sore from lying in bed all day, that a wheelchair was needed to get around. Groaning in pain, he hobbled over to the chair with Seth at the handles.

The hallway looked different than the day before. It seemed clearer, made more sense than the previous jumble of colours and sounds. Gazing around, Ryan looked at all the sick patients. Cancer, Bulimia, broken bones, internal injuries, viruses was all written down on paper beside's each person's bed. He hadn't checked what his own was. Actually, he didn't rally care. It would only be an assumption from some stuck up doctor. For example, once they tried to hospitalise Marissa, claiming she was anorexic. But once put on the scales, she was a perfect weight. If only it was that simple this time.

The room that they went into was small and hot. The wooden roofs were low and had only one window, up against the furthest wall. It had a gloomy feeling to it. In the middle, on the couch, were family members and close friends. Caleb, Julie, Summer, Seth, Ryan, Kirsten, Sandy and Jimmy, each looking tired and depressed. Many gave looks at Ryan, mainly Kirsten, in total sympathy. He was the one most upset, even more than Julie. He was sitting there, fiddling with his fingers, when the doctor walked in.

'Hello, I'm Doctor Phillip', the tall, blonde man said kindly.

Ryan snorted in irritation, 'we can read, just tell us about Marissa'. Kirsten gave him a 'look', and he quickly shut his mouth. Everyone knew those looks, as if it were the Grim Reaper. Looking down at the white tiles, he waited for the doctor to respond.

Doctor Phillip wasn't at all fazed by Ryan's remark, brushing it over swiftly. 'Ms Cooper has come out of surgery well'

Everyone heaved a sigh of relief, smiles popping up.

'But, she isn't out of the woods yet. We don't know if it has helped her legs. She has a 60 chance of walking again. But, she is ok at the moment, so if you want to go and see her in a minute you are welcome to. One at a time though'

Instantly, everyone looked at Ryan. It went without saying that he was to go in first, and he agreed without protestation. Smiling at the group of now joyful people, he wheeled himself up to ICU

There she was again, as amazing as ever. Tubes were stuffed down her fragile neck, as well as in her arms. Ryan chocked up all over again as he was wheeled to her side. Up close, he could see that her blue eyes were all puffy, joints swollen. It was just so hard to see this lively girl laying on a bed fighting for her life.

'Hey Babe' he said softly, sliding his hand into hers, 'I'm sorry I left you. I didn't want to, they made me…I wanted to stay here, make it alright, after what I have done to you. I'm so, so sorry Marissa. I never meant to hurt you…'

He was quiet for a moment, thinking over everything he had done to her in their past. The list was endless, only making the whole situation worse.

Ryan laughed dryly, 'Gee, I must sound like a broken record, eh? I'm surprised you have put up with me for so long, with what I have done. I don't expect you to forgive me…I can't forgive myself. But, you must understand that I love you. I love you more than anything. You're my everything. And, sometime's it hurts. I think about it, and my heart throbs. I don't think you understand, because I don't understand it myself. I can't explain it, because no words come to mind. Just…I would rather die than be without you.'

Seth and Summer stood by the wide door as Ryan poured out his heart to the sickly girl. Tears sprung to Summer's eyes, turning her head into Seth's chest, Usually, it was the other way round but Seth had learnt to be strong when the time came.

'It's not Fair Seth. Those two love each other so much. Why does it have to happen to them? I mean, Ryan would die for her, and she would for him.' she sobbed quietly.

He rubbed one had on the small of her back, 'I know Summer, I know.'

And he meant it too. If it was him and Summer, the situation would be the same. It would be hard for adults to handle, let alone immature 17 year olds. If anything worse was to happen to Marissa, Ryan would then be completely out of control. Seth hated to think of what consequences would come of it.

It was 2 days later, when Marissa opened her eye's.


	9. Let Your Eyes Open, my Love

A short one, mainly focusing on Marissa first waking up  Its really bad, coz I lost my first copy, so I had to type it all again. My stupid comp…

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Ryan was asleep in a chair, Marissa's hand in his, when her eyes fluttered open. It had only been 3 days since 'the accident', yet everything seemed to have changed. The air was cooler, the light extremely bright through a large window behind the bed. Though, it was hard to see, like looking through thick fog. And even after rubbing them with one slender hand, it had no lasting effect.

Her mind was equally as confusing. She was unable to make out anything surrounding her. But the pain was clear enough. Marissa's stomach was throbbing, coursing pain like venom through vessels and muscles. Never, ever had anything hurt so much. Tears sprung to her bloodshot blue eyes and poured out like wildfire raging through dry bushland.

Where was she? This room, this bed…she didn't know it. The air smelt funny, an unknown pungent scent. Nothing was familiar, everything set apart. Where was her mum, Seth, Summer. Where was Ryan? He was always there, they spent nights together. Now, she was left in a seemingly empty room, cold and musky. By the minute Marissa was becoming more frantic. Her hands gripped at the bed spread, then jerking up and ripping at the drip in her arm.

Due to all the commotion, Ryan awoke from his slumber. He had been dreaming, as usual, about Marissa. About as soon as his eyes opened, the young man leaped forward. He had been wishing, praying, dreaming about the day she would wake up. Now he wished he could take it all back.

Blood streamed from her lower arm as Ryan tried to caress the terrified Marissa, rubbing her forehead as gently as possible. She was so enraged, so scared. It hurt Ryan so much to see her like this. And, to think he could have prevented it, made the feeling worse.

'It's ok babe, it's me. C'mon, nothing is going to hurt you, nothing is going to happen', he soothed, trying to calm her.

It was Ryan. He was here. He didn't leave her alone. All of the problems, fears Marissa had in her mind all faded. The fighting slowed, but the crying did not. Turning into his shoulder, Marissa cried. She was totally exhausted, in pain and confused. Ryan, equally as tired, sat on the edge of the bed with his head against hers. All was calm, besides Marissa who was a working progress.

'I love you', she whispered, voice still dry from lack of use.

Ryan's heart soared. Those three words weren't shared much, but when they were, it was special. They just weren't an end of a conversation, to Ryan and Marissa it was an expression. It expressed their love, but even more. Feelings that couldn't be shown in words or writing. It was…._eternal_

'And', he replied huskily, 'You know what? I love you too. I can't explain how much…don't ever forget it'

There embrace was short, but sweet. It was surprising how well she was, considering the ordeal her body had taken. A few bruises lined her skinny body, but barely any. Her injuries were more internal, like the paralysation of her legs. Ryan, on the other hand, was black and blue all over. He looked the same as he did after one of the 'famous' fights he got in to. Since then though, Ryan had changed for the better.

As if in an instant, Marissa cupped his face in her hands and kissed him. Deeply, passionately. It was the only way they could express their true feelings. Running a hand through hr hair, Ryan groaned into her soft, subtle mouth. He had waited so, so long for her. After their first sexual encounter, you could say that even thinking about his luxurious girlfriend turned him on.

But Ryan knew better. He pulled back just before things got out of hand. She looked mighty tired, yawning. Even now, she was the most amazing girl alive. Smiling to himself, he kissed her one last time before sitting back down on his chair. It had become his home these past few days.

'I just want you to know', he whispered as she drifted into a light sleep, 'That I never meant to hurt you. You are my heart and soul...'

A groggy smile crossed her angelic feature's before she fell into dreamland.


	10. The truth hurts

'Marissa!'

Summer ran into the room like an exited filly. Her face beamed, cheeks a rosy pink. Finally, her friend had awoken. She had waited by her bedside or, by the phone when she went home. Though, it had been Ryan who had been there ALL the time, even though he had already been discharged a few days before.

He wasn't hurt badly. It was Marissa who had all the injuries. She had been right in front of the speed-boat when it hit them both. And, after man operations, her legs still hadn't healed. Summer didn't know if Marissa had noticed, but her pair of long, slender legs could not support her weight. The doctors still didn't know if she had any feeling in them, or if they were numb.

'Hey Sum', the young patient replied, smiling weakly. Although it had been a while since she saw her best friend, she really couldn't be bothered have a 'heart to heart'. Well, with Summer anyway. She could have one with Ryan every day.

'How have you been? How are you feeling? What have to doctors said?' the brunette said in a bubbly tone. She sat her perky little bum down on the spare chair, as one was occupied, as usual, by Ryan. He smiled in her direction, but said nothing. He and Summer hadn't always gotten on, especially when it came to Marissa and her happiness.

'I'm fine…just; my legs are a little funny. They won't let me get up, and they are strapped down'

'Well duh!' Summer exclaimed, 'It's not like you can walk anyway!'

The room went silent. A cold feeling fell over the three, like a window had burst open on a cold day. Everything suddenly made sense, like the missing piece of a puzzle. Marissa's features suddenly went deathly pale, tear ducts filling and spilling.

She had asked Ryan what was wrong; He had said that it was the medication. So did everyone else. She could handle her mother and father lying to her, they did it anyway. But, not Ryan. They kept no secrets. Marissa thought that they had put this all behind them, that a bond had formed. If there was any, it was broken. Smashed. Torn into little pieces and burnt.

'I…I…I can explain', Ryan stuttered, Waling forward and reaching for her hand.

He hadn't meant to lie. He didn't want to, but was ordered by her parents and doctors. They had said that her mental stability was just to low to handle that particular information. He reluctantly agreed. Ryan knew how hard Marissa would take it. But that wasn't to say that it wasn't tough. Every time she asked questioned, it was as if his heart stood still. Not in the way is usually did, when he saw her. No, this was like a heart attack.

'No need to', she snapped back, glaring, 'You know, the fact that I may be god damn paralysed had no affect on you? Ryan, how could you do this too me, keep such a huge thing from me?'

He didn't reply. He wanted to say, _because I love you, I was protecting you, _but didn't. It would change anything anyway, she was so worked up. Sighing, Ryan rubbed his forehead.

'Fuck you', she mumbled, 'fuck you'

_I'm not a perfect person,_

_There's many things I wish I didn't do,_

_But I continue learning,_

_I never meant to do those things to you,_

_And so I have to say before I go,_

Ryan drummed his fingers on the felt covered steering wheel, mind contemplating the situation he was in. He hated fighting with Marissa. It was always his fault. It was him who caused all her pain; he was the one to break her heart. And here they were, yet again, in the same situation. Except today, Ryan feared it had costed their relationship.

_That I just want you to know,_

_I found a reason for me,_

_To change who I used to be,_

_A reason to start over new,_

_And the reason is you…_

The wide road was churned up beneath the black tires like grass in a lawnmower as he pulled into the pier's car park. This was where everyone came when times got rough, to loose themselves in the salty smell and calm lapping water against the pillars sides. Ryan doubted anything could pull him away from _his _troubles. Honestly, he didn't think he had cried so much since…ever. He could only remember one other time when he had actually let himself show the inner emotions which he usually kept cooped up.

Walking slowly down onto the beach, he sat down underneath the jetty. Creaks came from the people walking above. There was just enough noise to block out the hushed sobs coming from the usually composed Ryan. This time, he could hold none of it in. Tears hurdled themselves down his cheeks as if they were sprinting.

One person, however, did notice. A young girl, very pretty, around the age of 13 walked unsurely to his side.

'Are you ok?', she asked genuinely, 'Can I help out'

'No, no', he replied, wiping his blue eye's, 'I'm ok'

'No your not'

'Yes I am'

'No, your crying', she matter-of-factly stated, plopping down on the sand, 'has it got to do with your boyfriend and/or girlfriend'

Ryan laughed at the total simplicity of the situation. It was amazing how a young girl thinks, that every problem relates to someone's partner. It helped though, despite to total randomness.

'Sort of…yes', Ryan said after a long pause. He had decided within it to share his problems, so maybe she could learn from them.

'What did you do?'

'What makes you…', but with the look she gave him, Ryan didn't protest, 'Well, I didn't tell her something that I should have.'

The young girl's mind assessed his problem, brow creasing in concentration. Her blond hair was stringy from swimming, curling at the ends. Not far off, a boy was leaning against the post. Ryan guessed this was her boyfriend, as he stared at them both and regularly checked his watch.

'Then say your sorry'

'It's not that easy', he tried to reason, 'She is very hurt and upset. Nothing I can say will fix that'

'Well', the blonde explained 'Make sure what you say you mean. Don't come out with random shit that couldn't make a clown feel better. By the looks, you really love her. Does understand that's the reason?'

What she was saying actually made sense. Looking her square in the eye, Ryan could see wisdom within. Not anyone could make up such a speech and mean it. She nodded silently, standing up and brushing the sand off her white bikini.

'Glad I could help'

Twirling around, the perky girl ran to the young boys arms. He embraced her, kissing her slightly pink forehead. Young love was so beautiful, pure. Smiling warmly, Ryan watched the couple for a few minuted before standing up to leave.

Raindrops fell from the grey sky. Ryan hadn't even noticed in his agony, but now the air had grown chilly. Pulling his jumper closer, he trudged up the sand dune. As he went, the rain sped up till it was pelting down.

'Rain', Ryan laughed harshly to himself, 'It never rains in Newport.'

It was true. The last time it did, Lindsay left the city. Of course, at the time, Ryan was distraught. Everyone kept on walking out on him when times finally got better. That was when he realised, Marissa was still there. She was the only one who stayed with him, who wanted to stay with him. She broke it off with her boyfriend to go with Ryan, and he turned her down. He regretted that more than anything now. If he could turn back time, none of it would have happened.

Ryan was going back to the hospital. He now knew exactly what he wanted to say to Marissa, no mistakes this time. He wasn't even sure if she would listen, but it couldn't hurt anyone trying.

Swerving into the Hospital's park, Ryan leaped out of his car and sprinted to the doors. The raindrops were still falling down like rocks on to those who dared to venture outside. Cars swerved as he tried to dodge them mid-flight, only narrowly missing the spinning wheels.

'What are you doing back, I told you to go away?', Marissa said, still angry, as Ryan walked into the room.

He was heaving heavily, water dripping off the tips of his blonde hair. The elevator was full, so he had to climb 5 flights of stairs. The Wife beater revealed his toned stomach. It always made Marissa aroused, but not this time. She tried her best to look straight out the window

'I'm back because I need to talk to you.' Ryan replied firmly, standing at the bottom of the bed.

'I'm sorry. I should have told you, but I felt so guilty that I couldn't. I was trying to protect you. I know I can overdo it sometimes, but that's because I love you. God, I love you so much. I am crazy about you Marissa, every time we are apart I think about you. You need to understand that whatever happens, you're my word. But if I'm not wanted here, I'll leave. But I need to know what you want from me, whether it is to help you, or go away. But I'm always going to be here for you.'

Marissa opened her mouth to speak, still couldn't figure out what to say. She and Ryan stared at each other in silence for a lengthy period; the feeling in the room as if there was a great canyon between them instead of just a few feet. He had never performed such a speech to her before.

Ryan felt his shoulders slump further and further with each second of silence. What was he supposed to do? He couldn't make her say she wanted him by her during all this. 'When you have an answer to that question, I'll be around,' he said quietly, and turned to leave.

'Don't go'

'What?', he said warily, turning around.

'Don't leave', the tone of her voice making it more of a husky plea than a command.

That was all Ryan needed. He was across the room so fast it barely registered in either of their minds. He cupped her face in both hands, pulling it in and taking hr mouth into his. Marissa groaned lightly, loosing herself in his passionate kiss. He was careful not to hurt her fradgile body as they became closer. She slid one hand up his wet shirt, running her fingertips along every protuding muscle. A pleasurable shiver ran down Ryan's spine as the moment became more and more intense. They drank each others taste greedily, and eventually ended up beside each other on the bed.

'I'm so sorry', she whispered finally, burying her face into Ryan's chest. Tears once again started to fall. In the past few days, they had cried more then ever before.

Ryan ran his finger through her long honey blonde hair, brushing his lips across her forehead, 'You have nothing to be sorry for…It's not your fault'

Marissa paused, before looking up at him with glassy eyes, 'It's not yours either, Ryan'.

Although her words were comforting, a pang of doubt was still planted in his mind. Smiling weakly, he kissed her gently once again.Marissa didn't protest. It was obviously a hard subject for him to talk about, so she simply wrapped her arms around his strong neck and leaned in.

After all, you can only sort out on problem at a time, and this was just the beginning

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Ok…that was weird. I will go on with the paralization next chapter…


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